Fredag/Lördag

UPDATE: I don't know why I wrote, and write, it in English. I just did.

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Sometimes I feel like drowning. Sometimes I feel like jumping of a cliff or a bridge. Just to try you know, just to see if i'd survive.. It's a weird feeling.
I dreamt of jumping off "titanic" (in the picture) and just hold still once I'd pierced through the surface, just not swim to the surface, to the air and oxygen. Once againg, only to see what would happen, what it would feel like.

It's a weird feeling when you, like I always do, ride your bike like a maniac - not caring about the cars coming towards you, you're just "playing with fire"-kind of, testing if you can make it over the street before the cars crosses your path.
And then when your heart races after beeing a little to close to actually getting hit by the car, and you find yourself thinking "wouldn't it be fun if the car actually hit me? I wonder what that would feel like? Maybe I should go a little bit slower next time, so that the car will hit me and I could experience the feeling.."
I usually shake those thoughts out of my head, because I know how stupid they are. And I don't want to think about it that much. I don't want those kind of thoughts to affect me or make me do rash things.

I am not suicidal, I just want to know what it would feel like.. sometimes.

UPDATE: It's probably just because of that stupid book and that stupid movie.